


Todd Brotzman’s Holistic Amboolents Service

by janeseyre



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-06 05:26:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13404408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janeseyre/pseuds/janeseyre
Summary: How Todd got four people with bullet wounds to the hospital in an ambulance straight out of the ‘60s.





	Todd Brotzman’s Holistic Amboolents Service

**Author's Note:**

> I originally meant to title this ‘with a little help from my friends’ but I decided to make a terrible joke instead. Also, I wrote this because I genuinely woke up one morning and could not stop thinking about the logistics of how Todd could get Farah, Tina, and Hobbs to the hospital all on his own, and what about Dirk? So this is what I came up with, I hope you enjoy!

“Are you apologizing to me for me saving your life? That is so you.”

Farah makes a small noise of…something. Honestly, it’s all she can do to keep her eyes open and not pass out from pain right now.

“Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry,” Todd says softly, repositioning his arms. “Okay, I’ve got you…” Before Farah quite realizes what’s happening, Todd is gritting his teeth and lifting her off the ground.

 _He must be stronger than he looks_ , Farah thinks hazily as he carries her towards a white vehicle – an ambulance, Farah supposes, but it looks a little…weird?

“Oh shit,” Todd pants suddenly.

“Wha?” Farah mumbles.

“I forgot to open the back doors.”

“Shit,” Farah agrees.

There’s a sudden metallic clang from somewhere beyond Farah’s vision. To his credit, Todd doesn’t drop her or even flinch. There’s the sound of van doors sliding open and familiar loud male voices shouting and whooping.

“Farah!” exclaims another familiar voice, accompanied by the sound of feet running across the gravel towards her.

“Doors,” Farah and Todd say in unison. The footsteps slide to a halt, and Farah hears the ambulance doors being wrenched open.

Todd puts Farah down on one of the gurneys – there’s two, and there’s also two sideways-facing seats – and when her head stops spinning, Farah blinks and there’s Amanda. Amanda, wearing a very strange outfit, with bedraggled black hair, and smiling so happily at Farah.

“Dude, long time no see!” Amanda cries, kneeling down next to Farah and putting a hand on her uninjured shoulder. “Oh my God, you defeated the freakin’ Mage!”

Farah laughs a little. “How’ve you been, Amanda?” she murmurs.

Amanda beams, but Farah thinks she can see the tiniest trace of sadness behind her eyes. “Oh, there is so much I gotta tell you about. But we’d better get you and those other guys to the hospital.” She frowns, forehead creased. “Actually, I barely know where we are right now.” She glances back outside, where Todd must have gone back out to fetch Tina and Hobbs. Farah can hear Todd and some of the Rowdies talking to each other, and maybe Tina’s voice too.

There’s a little flash of light inside the ambulance, and suddenly someone is laying on the other gurney.

Farah turns her head just in time to see a yellow jacket fall to the floor. “Dirk?” she says.

Dirk turns to face her too. “Hi Farah!” he exclaims. “Oh good, you’re all right – well,” he frowns at the sight of her injuries. “Not all right, perhaps, but – ”

Farah gasps as her gaze drifts from Dirk’s bloodied shoulder down to his leg, which is covered in blood and appears to have a bullet hole in it. “What happened to your leg?”

“Oh, that,” he grimaces in pain. “Yes, it was a whole thing, Blackwing was there, I was there, you know…you know how these things go…” He loses steam quickly and Farah is feeling foggy enough herself that she doesn’t push it.

At that moment, Gripps arrives carrying Tina, along with Martin and Cross carrying Hobbs. They carefully set the two officers down on the pair of cushioned seats next to the gurneys and clamber back out of the ambulance. Amanda goes over to strap them both in securely to the seats.

“Oh hey, who’re you?” Tina mumbles.

“I’m Amanda Brotzman,” she says, smirking a little. “I guess you’ve already met my loser brother, Todd.”

Dirk lifts his head to look at them and gasps. “Tina! Hobbs, you’re alive!”

“Yep, seems that way,” Hobbs replies, with a pained but genuine smile. “We’ve got Farah to thank for that.” 

Farah smiles from where she’s laying, warmth blossoming in her chest that has nothing to do with her injuries.

“S’nice to meet you, Miss Brotzman,” Hobbs adds.

“Nice to meet you too,” Amanda grins. She finishes securing his seatbelt and stands up.

Todd appears at the doors. “All right, guys,” he says. “Everyone ready to go?”

A chorus of pained _yeah_ ’s come from the four in the back. Vogel extends a hand to Amanda, who takes it and hops out of the ambulance. She shoots Farah a quick smile before Todd shuts the doors.

Farah hears Todd get into the front seat and start the engine. For a moment, she thinks this might be a nice opportunity to catch everyone up with each other. She glances over at Dirk, but his eyes are already shut, and so are Hobbs’s and Tina’s. Oh well. She sighs, and lets consciousness slip away from her too.

 

The drive to the hospital goes pretty smoothly once they get out of the quarry. Todd would have been completely lost, but luckily Tina had managed to mumble out some directions before they loaded her into the ambulance.

Todd glances in the rearview mirror. The Rowdy Three’s van is following along behind him, with Amanda driving, on account of Martin’s lost glasses (apparently) being real prescription ones, without which he’s (apparently) pretty impaired.

Todd pulls up outside the same entrance that he, Dirk, Farah, and Tina had come through…was it really only two days ago? Shit, he’d barely slept since the night of the music festival. His stomach lurches at the memory of what Suzie Boreton had done at the hospital before they left.

Shaking the thought off, he runs through the doors to the receptionist’s desk.

“Hi, uh, my friends are injured – um, gunshot wounds – they’re in the ambulance, could I get some help bringing them in? Sorry, I don’t know where the emergency room is, so I just brought them here,” Todd says all in a rush.

The receptionist leans to one side, looking behind Todd at the white vehicle parked outside with ‘Amboolents’ scrawled on the doors. He raises an eyebrow and looks at Todd again. Todd shrugs helplessly.

“Honestly,” the receptionist says, looking defeated. “This is probably the least weird shit that’s happened here all week.”

 

Once they’ve finished bringing everyone in, giving as much information as they can to the doctors without precisely explaining that three of their friends had shot each other under the influence of a magical wizard and the other one had been shot by a rogue secret government agent, and noting the room numbers they can find their friends in once they get out of surgery, Todd and Amanda collapse into a pair of chairs in the waiting room. For a couple minutes they just breathe and stare up at the ceiling in silence.

“The Rowdy Three said they were going to get me some food,” Amanda says eventually.

“Oh. Do they have…money?” Todd asks.

“No.”

“…Right.”

They’re silent for another moment, and then Amanda adds, “That weird rainbow person came back with us too.”

Todd blinks. “What?”

“The rainbow girl, from the forest in Wendimoor. Francis must have sent her back with us.” Amanda shifts in her seat. “I guess this is where she’s supposed to be. With us.”

Amanda turns to look Todd in the eyes. She knows he knows that her use of _us_ didn’t include him.

“Hm. That shit with the portal back there got pretty wild, huh?” Todd says. Amanda laughs.

“I almost can’t believe I did all of that,” she confesses. “It was…eye-opening.”

He nods. “What do you think you’ll do now, with your…powers? Do you still have them?”

Amanda feels the jagged edges of the wand pressed against her side, hidden in the folds of her robe from Wendimoor. “I don’t know,” she tells him honestly. “But what I do know? I would kill a man for a nap right now.”

Todd laughs this time. “God, yeah. Would the other Rowdy Three guys let me sleep on the floor of your van?”

Amanda smirks. “Probably, but I doubt you’d want to once you saw it up close.”

“Fair enough,” Todd chuckles. “We’ll figure something else out.”

Amanda rolls her eyes. “Wanna check out the cafeteria downstairs?”

“Yeah, I’ll settle for some shitty coffee,” Todd replies, and slowly stands up.

“Oh,” Amanda says. “Don’t forget that.” She points at the seat next to Todd.

He looks down at the chair, where a neatly folded yellow leather jacket sits innocently. “Huh. How’d that get here?” he murmurs.

He picks the jacket up and drapes it over one arm. Amanda stands up and hooks her arm around his other one. Sharing a smile, they walk away together.

**Author's Note:**

> The inside of the ambulance is based on a combination of the google image results for ‘1960s ambulance’ and my personal worries about how the dimensions of the vehicle shown in the episode could possibly safely fit all four characters, lol. Thank you for reading!


End file.
